


This is Not a Love Comedy, Because Thats Not How Life Works... Right?

by BetweenSheetsAndRaindrops



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: (I hope), Humor, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, kingsman - Freeform, soulmate!AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-28
Updated: 2015-06-29
Packaged: 2018-04-06 16:17:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4228533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BetweenSheetsAndRaindrops/pseuds/BetweenSheetsAndRaindrops
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eggsy didn't know what it was to have these marks. Well to be honest, that's just bullshit, he knows. The difference between him and the rest of the planet is that for some reason his mark was a little more than people he knew when he was a kid.</p><p>However he didn't for a second believe that the Cosmos would throw his soulmate in his path. Life doesn't work that way for dear Eggsy. At least he's known for it not to work in his favor. Let's be honest, who would know it turn out this way after getting mugged? Oh, pardon, a̲t̲t̲e̲m̲p̲t̲e̲d̲ mugging.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Life Is Fuckin' With Me Right Now... More Than Ever

**Author's Note:**

> Soulmate!Au Prompt taken from toriceratops:  
> "Soul mate AU where you start your life with a very small mark somewhere on your body that represents the way you two will meet. but there isn’t very much that’s distinctive about it. They’re all usually different but you could meet hundreds of people in your life who have something vaguely similar. It’s not until you DO meet your soul mate and start having experiences that it changes. It grows and adds lines and curves, the occasional word here or there. The longer you know each other, the longer you have shared experiences, the more complex and intricate it becomes. Older couples who have been together fifty plus years are covered in beautiful designs. Then there’s also the fact that you won’t know right away who it is, because you have to get to know them, you have to HAVE those shared experiences in order to share the markings, in order to be sure."  
> 

Eggsy didn't know what it was to have these marks. Well to be honest, thats just bullshit, he knows. The difference between him and the rest of the planet is that for some reason his mark was a little more than people he knew when he was a kid. He never knew why, actually no scratch that. Eggsy didn't know  _who._

Ever since he could remember people always got ecstatic on finding out who their soul mark could be. He always heard of people sharing their first experience on how their mark grew. How they “just knew” it was that person. How the fuck  **were**  you supposed to know. Its not like he was gonna check every bloody time he met anyone he ended up getting to know better.

“Oh yes I talked to the groceries lady, I mean she knows me, my family. So yes I'll check my damn mark right after I get out of the market.”

Yeah, ok that is a tad dramatic. The  _point_  is; how was he supposed to know that at the age of eleven, he would come across his other half? Also the fact that he wouldn't know who it was since he didn't even noticed his mark grew!

Now at the age of twenty-five, he feels like a damn idiot. Frankly, idiot is being nice because he really feels worse than that. In anyone else’s eyes that was the end of a tragic story. Life wasn’t a love comedy film, Eggsy out of all people knew. They were doing better though, his fucking step-father was out of the picture. His mum had a better job, and darling Daisy was growing like a ray of sunshine. He still got in trouble, mind you, but he bloody tried. 

Lately he’d been making rounds at the club, even though hes not entirely fond of bar tending, it still gets him enough money to put on the table. There are times where he wished it was different but life isn’t a movie. Good shit doesn't just show up. No, it definitely doesn't make its way and sits on one of the chairs in the bar, which then asks for a martini. And it definitely doesn’t comment on how awful it is and proceeds to show you how one is on to mix it properly. It most certainly doesn't happen to greet you after cleaning up the bar, headed home, crossing paths with it after someone tries to mug you. And feeling in debt you go in and make a, apparently shitty, martini.

That, ladies and gents, is not how it happens. Nope. You know why? Yes, that's right, because this is not a love comedy, because that's not how life works.

Right?

 

  
Well fuck.


	2. Moving In The Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Am I dreaming? I must be, because I didn’t expect my daydreams to come with Oxfords.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **PLEASE LISTEN TO THE SONG**  
> (You'll get the gist of how this chapter is going to develop, and hopefully I executed it right.)  
> Moving In The Dark - Neon Trees  
> https://youtu.be/ABgrcpEpzI0
> 
> Kay, sorry for the caps a̶l̶s̶o̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶m̶i̶s̶t̶a̶k̶e̶s̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶i̶f̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶i̶d̶e̶a̶s̶ ̶w̶e̶r̶e̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶w̶e̶l̶l̶ ̶p̶r̶e̶s̶e̶n̶t̶e̶d̶.̶ Enjoy! xx

“Essgy! I’m headed out, I’ll see you tomorrow night!”

“Night Rox, be careful yeh?!” Eggsy cried out across the room to his best friend.

“I should be saying that to you!” She yelled back smiling.

“Oh shu’ it you!” Roxy laughed at his reply and called out goodnight at she left through the back door.

Tonight wasn’t the greatest. Eggsy grabbed a rag and passed it through the surface of the bar counter. He was supposed to close with Roxy but she wasn’t feeling that great and told her to leave right when she was done. It’s not like Eggsy can’t handle it on his own, what’s the worse that could happen anyway? It was around a quarter past four and Eggsy grabbed the last sitting stool and laid it upside down on the counter.

He reached to grab his jacket from behind the bar and made his way to the back door. Taking out his phone, he inserted the earphones and hit play.

Oh, fuck yes. Maybe his night wasn’t turning to a total bust.

 _Started in the morning_  
 _My head was getting hazy_  
 _Couldn't keep my feet on the ground_  
  
_She was makin' love to the_  
 _Mirror in the bathroom_  
 _Didn't hear me talkin' out loud_

Eggys turned the alarm off and locked the doors to the club.

 _Bubblegum, lipstick_  
_Baby's got me nervous_  
 _Something's got a hold of my feet_  
 _You just wanna go_  
 _Where your problems won't follow_  
 _Baby that's okay with me_

He sang those last two lines acting them out as he made his way down the block at his own pace.

 _Set fire with just a little spark_  
_That's how it goes when you're_  
 _Moving in the dark_  


The chorus sang, and Eggsy started to dance a little, now fully invested in the beat that came through the ear pieces.

_Got no money still  
Ain't that cool_

Eggsy shook his head and pointed at himself,

 _I'm the little punker_ ,

and then at the imaginary individual he was singing to as the song continued,

_Who's kissin' you._

Eggsy was definitely a goner, he was in his own world and that was enough for him. The beat swam in his ears and he moved with the rhythm. He took that sense of freedom which he rarely felt now a days. That tingling feeling of a moment which carried absolutely no stress and he bathe in it.

 _Forget what you heard_  
_About modern love_  
 _She's still in the mirror_  
 _Honey, fixin' her mug and I'm like_

 _Set fire with just a little spark_  
_That's how it goes when you're_  
 _Moving in the dark_

He banged his head a little as the song sang.

 _Live fast, it's a feeling not an art_  
_Just how it goes when you're_  
 _Moving in the dark_

Then he felt a hand in his shoulder and turned around as he was caught off guard. There was a tall guy wearing a hoodie, he was pointing a gun at Eggsy.

_Kids kiss, statuesque out in the street  
I don't really wanna be a part of your scene_

“You tellin’ me Tyler.” Eggsy thought as he pulled up his hands in an ‘I surrender’ gesture as he kept his eyes on the hooded man. The guy yelled at him to give him his money, not that Eggsy could hear him, but he could read his lips.

_Messed up, all the same, kids in my city_   
_It's less about what you say_   
_And more looking pretty and I'm like_

  
_Set fire with just a little spark_   
_That's how it goes when you're_   
_Moving in the dark_

Survival mode kick into Eggsy, he was about to make his move. There was no way in hell this wanker was gonna fuck with him, fuck that. He's been through hell and this shit ain't passing him.

 _Live fast, it's a feeling not an art_  
_Just how it goes when you're_  
 _Moving in the dark_

Something moved with fast speed and all Eggsy caught was a black blurry sight of it.

It caught the hooded guy by the wrist. What the fuck, is that… is that an umbrella handle?

_-The music instrumental continued-_

The handle held the intruders hand down and out then he saw a foot kick the guy with the gun. The hoodie guy cried out in pain as his leg was kicked inwards dropping the gun to the pavement. Wait was that an Oxford shoe?

_Started in the morning  
My head was getting hazy_

What. The. Fuck?

_Couldn't keep my feet on the ground_

The Oxford kicked the gun and it slid away from the interloper. The hooded guys legs were about to give out from the pain.

 _She was makin' love to the_  
_Mirror in the bathroom_  
 _Didn't hear me talkin' out loud_

Mr. Oxfords got around the guy taking his damn time but in a precise manner, the umbrella handle still in place. It seemed as if this wasn’t Mr. Oxfords first rodeo, he was so composed and carried a dangerous vibe. 

_Bubblegum, lipstick  
Baby's got me nervous_

This should seriously not be hot, he was pointed with a gun just moments ago for fucks sake!

_Something's got a hold of my feet_

Ok, Eggsy is known to daydream sometimes. Roxy is knows to make fun of him because of it. C'mon who the fuck doesn’t? However, there is absolutely no way his daydreaming has gotten this out of hand before. No bloody way! Especially with Oxfords, seriously, _Oxfords_? Shit maybe someone slipped something in his water? Or maybe he fell asleep at the club while cleaning up. Yeah, that has happened before.

 _You just wanna go_  
_Where your problems won't follow_  
 _Baby that's okay with me_

Hoodie man was in his knees now; Mr. Oxfords was behind him, he had a hand resting in the back of Hoodie guy and in a rapid manner pulled the umbrella back.

_-The instrumental began again-_

Alright, this is by far the best daydream he’s had, not even caring that they had to be Oxfords. If the owner of those impeccable shoes had to save him again, he wouldn’t mind what so ever. And the fact that the instrumental is playing and this posh bloke is moving the way he is, yeah Eggsy is a goner.

Man, Mr. Hoodie was just out of sync on tonight’s mugging agenda. Mr. Oxfords unhooked his umbrella handle from the crying man’s wrist. With a swift movement he threw the umbrella to catch it with his other hand and with a sharp movement he swung, the umbrella’s bended wood, to Mr. Hoodie’s neck.

The sound of a body hitting the pavement, face first, was what Eggsy heard as the music died down. He stared at the body, after a beat he looked at Mr. Oxfords.

“Are you alright?” asked a collected voice.

How? How was this posh man even speaking in such a self-control manner?? Did he not just knock out this guy lying in the pavement, head right in front of Eggsy’s shoes?

Oxfords just stared at Eggsy.

Why is he… wait, oh…

“Yeah’m fine.” He replied, it came out more composed than Eggsy felt to be honest.

Eggsy started to walk the opposite way from home. He turned around after a couple steps since he didn’t hear another pair of shoes walking behind him, Oxfords was watching him go apparently. He looked a bit fuzzed, as if he wasn’t truly aware of what he did, even though he **knew** of his actions.

“You comin’ or what?” Eggsy called out to him, still relaxed. How the fuck is he even relaxed right now? He’s not having weird ‘reality hit in the face’ in the street at almost four thirty in the morning, that’s for damn sure.

Oxfords stares at him and gives a quick side glance to the body in the pavement. He makes his mind quick because after that glance he walks to Eggsy. The young lad waits until Mr. Oxfords is close enough and makes his way back to the club with the posh bloke following just a couple steps behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow ya'll. I didn't think I'd have a chapter two so fast. I'm not even sure if I executed it correctly. By that I mean enough that ya'll saw some fun in the reading. I̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶s̶u̶p̶e̶r̶ ̶s̶e̶r̶i̶o̶u̶s̶ ̶c̶a̶u̶s̶e̶ ̶I̶ ̶f̶e̶e̶l̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶E̶g̶g̶s̶y̶ ̶i̶s̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶a̶l̶s̶o̶ ̶i̶t̶'̶s̶ ̶e̶x̶p̶e̶r̶i̶m̶e̶n̶t̶a̶l̶ ̶h̶a̶h̶a̶.̶
> 
> Well~  
> I hope that was ok… after putting up the first chapter to 3:00 A.M. i thought 'why not'.  
> So I ended up using this song because I was listening to my playlist and I thought:  
> W̲o̲u̲l̲d̲n̲’̲t̲ ̲E̲g̲g̲s̲y̲ ̲l̲o̲o̲k̲ ̲s̲o̲ ̲c̲u̲t̲e̲ ̲d̲a̲n̲c̲i̲n̲g̲ ̲a̲n̲d̲ ̲a̲c̲t̲i̲n̲g̲ ̲o̲u̲t̲ ̲a̲ ̲s̲o̲n̲g̲ ̲w̲h̲i̲l̲e̲ ̲h̲e̲ ̲s̲a̲n̲g̲ ̲a̲l̲o̲n̲g̲?̲
> 
> I do it, and to be honest it’s something I find super attractive when a person does it. I ended up going to the Neon Trees concert around a week ago and I loved the instrumental in this particular song. This is the only reason why I used it, it seemed like the perfect fit for a fighting scene. 
> 
> -When he says Tyler, Eggsy is referring to the lead singer.
> 
> Sorry for my writing, if there are errors they are on me. As always, let me know what you think, what I can improve on. Did you like how I had the song? Was it a bit much? Maybe suggestions on what you want for the future??? S̶t̶i̶l̶l̶ ̶s̶c̶a̶r̶e̶d̶ ̶a̶f̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶ ̶t̶r̶y̶i̶n̶g̶,̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶n̶k̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶b̶y̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶w̶a̶y̶.̶


End file.
